Boys Cry Too.

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A few weeks ago, stricken with boredom from the tragedy that is 2020, I found myself watching Foot Asylum's Locked In series on YouTube - basically Big Brother but with semi-popular YouTuber's. You may be thinking NOPE, not for me! Trust me, I thought the same. And truthfully, I thought right.  

I had a number of issues with the series, including VeryVeeBrowne's uncalled for  bitchiness toward crime queen Eleanor Neale *eye roll*. However, the main problem I and many other viewers had was when some of the housemates began belittling and embarrassing Nadim (Nalmak on YouTube), who was crying in the kitchen one day. 

You probably know the feeling where emotions build and build and build all day until something finally sends you over the edge- usually something small. 

Well, for Nadim, his final straw was his housemate SV2 emptying his bottle of mayonnaise and replacing it with water. Almost immediately, the housemates asked him if he was crying and giggling about it. Obviously under pressure and uncomfortable, he said the vapour from the dishwasher had made his eyes water - this was again followed by laughter. After being mocked for a little while longer, he admitted he was crying and that he was crying because he was being pushed into talking about it. 

His 'friends' carried on berating him for crying, saying "It's only mayo" and that he shouldn't have cried, both to his face and behind his back. Only a couple of episodes later, Eleanor Neale was seen crying and...you guessed it! She was given hugs, pep talks and a whole lot more sympathy than Nadim. Whether Nadim cried because of mayonnaise or not, nobody gets to decide when another person experiences emotion and how they express it. Based on the housemates responses to Eleanor crying and how that differed when a man cried, it isn't difficult to identify the gender issues here. 

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It feels important to mention some statistics here that may be surprising. 75% of suicides are carried out by men, a huge portion of our society. Men are far more likely to attempt suicide than women, partially down to society's attitudes and expectations towards men. Society has, for a long time, viewed men as people who must be strong all of the time and be the ones supporting, rather than being supported. It is the biggest cause of death in men under 50. These statistics alone are enough to indicate that there is an urgent need for a better societal attitude to supporting and understanding men. 

The term 'Boys Cry Too' is part of a relatively new movement advocating for more mental health support for men. There has been an increase in clothing brands who spread the message of importance of mental health in men, like Boys Get Sad Too who have an aim to increase awareness. There are also charities that have been set up with an aim to support men who are struggling with mental illness, like CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably). They provide a crisis helpline and webchat service for 7 hours daily and also ran several campaigns fighting for better awareness and improved mental health support for men.

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The key point of this blog post is to highlight that crying and showing emotion is not something that is or should ever be gendered. We are all human, we are not machines. Men are not inbuilt with superhuman emotional and physical strength, and nor should they be. 

We need to lower our ridiculously high expectations of men and focus on supporting those we love, not belittling them or confirming what may already be embedded in their brain - that they are 'too strong' to show emotion. Hug the men in your life a little tighter, make sure they know you are there for them and really be there if you're approached for help. Be mindful, educate yourself and love people for who they are, regardless of their mental state.

And most importantly, 

Always remember, it is OK not to be OK. 

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"What is the bravest thing you have ever said?" asked the boy. "Help" said the horse. - Charlie Mackesy